What is Intimacy Massage?
Couples intimacy massage is a wonderful way to relax and get in sync with each other. It builds on the concepts of “Sensate Focusing” created by Masters & Johnson. We have taken it farther by providing techniques designed to cause specific outcomes. Each set here has very specific benefits. If you try this just a few times you’ll be amazed how much more connected you feel. Plus it tends to significantly increase each others desire later.
It’s easy to do
Don’t let the length of this page scare you – it’s really easy once you try it. Plus our video comes with a handy check list you can follow & a mp3 coaching session you can listen to as you go. So it’s a breeze to do.
Here are the steps you’ll learn:
- Hand rubs
- Ear rubs
- Collar bone rubs
- Tummy rubs
- Thigh rubs
- “Follow the Goosbumps” Game
- Couples Breathing
This is an overview of the level 1 method, please see the video for details on specific techniques.
Read this first…
One critical part of this massage is to both have the understanding that no sexual activity will occur during or immediately after this massage. The next level continues to sexual activity, but for now it’s best not to.
First decide which partner is going to give the massage and which person receives. You can alternate, or if one partner has had a rough day, let them be the receiver.
The “giver” focuses on doing the techniques and carefully seeing how their partners body responds. The goal is to help them experience touch an sensuality. Especially later when you play “follow the goose bump” pay very close attention to how what you do causes goosebumps. Also if anything tickles too much or your partner doesn’t like, make sure to stop. This is for their pleasure.
The “receiver” simply lays there and focuses on the sensations. Try to forget about anything else and just “feel”. Think of this almost like a meditation where you focus your attention on what each sensation feels like. It’s fine if your mind wanders, just let thoughts come & go as they happen, but try to keep your attention on the feeling. Make sure though to tell your partner about anything that tickles, or you don’t like. This is about you feeling sensations that feel good.
The massage is best done in bed and can be done partially clothed or nude. While the goal of the massage is to be highly sensual and arousing, no sexual activity should take place. If at the end you BOTH are aroused, agree to take care of things a few minutes later, but it is very important that the person receiving the massage can focus just on it without having to think about it leading to sex.
Also, both people should go to the bathroom first. Having to get up during a massage to to to the bathroom isn’t the end of the world but you might as well do it now and not break the rhythm later.
So Lets Begin… Just follow the outline & photos below.
Finger Pulling
Laying beside your partner the giver takes one hand at a time and first squeezes the forearm working from the elbow to the wrist. Then squeezes the palm of the hand. Then gently but firmly wrap your finger around each finger an pull from the base of the finger to the tip. Do this 5 or more times for each finger.
Squeeze the palm & then gently pull each finger from the base to the tip in a squeezing & pulling motion
Repeat this on the other hand. Note that you’ll have to experiment with different positions to hold each hand. With everything the goal is to make the person receiving the massage as comfortable as possible while you are comfortable was well. The video shows options.
Ear Rubs
Using your thumb and pointer finger gently, bur firmly rub and squeeze your partners ear, beginning at the ear lobe and working all around the ear back to the lobe. Then pull down on their ear lobe gently.
Repeat this on the other ear. . .
Collar bone, solar plexus & chest rubs
Following the collar bone, firmly rub from the shoulder sliding to the end of the bone 10 times on each side. Then for about 10 more times rub firmly from the base of the neck to about 1/2 down the middle of the chest. It’s fine press against the breast of your partner as long as they have said in advance it’s OK.
Then (again as long as they’re OK with this) gently rub and squeeze each side of the chest or breast. Briefly tickle the nipple area to cause it to become erect (this increases oxytocin release). This can be done through a shirt if needed. (The goal to get nipple erect is so it sends a signal via the vagus nerve back to the brain saying, hey something nice is happening.) But this is just for sensuality and not sex. Do this on men as well, they have the same nerves.
Tummy Rubs
Beginning at the base of the abdomen, just above the pubic bone, press firmly inward while slowly moving your hand in a circle clockwise. This motion should sweep around the outer area of the abdomen up to where the ribs start and then circle back down to the base of the abdomen and repeat. Do this so it takes about a second or so to complete each circle.
Press as deeply as is comfortable for your partner, particularly around the lower abdomen just above the pubic done. As your hand slides around this will slightly “tug” on the belly and your partner will likely feel this pulling motion all the way to their pubic area.
Try to do at least 32 circles and if you have time do 108 circles.
If your partner wants, at the end you can press firmly on their pubic area above their genitals and just hold your hand there for about 20 seconds – then move on….
If you decide to learn more in the future, this is the first step into an amazing method of Taoist belly massage called “Chi Nei Tsang” (志内曾). We’ll talk about that in the more advanced program.
Thigh Rubs
With the receiver’s leg straight & relaxed, first put the palm of your hand around their knee cap. Gently grasp and rotate it around so it moves in a slight circle (this feels good & is good for the knee joint).
Then as firmly as the receiver desires, press your palm down just above the knee on the outside of the thigh and slide it up to the hip. Once at the hip return on the part of the outer thigh you didn’t massage a moment ago. Repeat this sweeping circular pattern for 5-10 times.
Now do the same thigh rub motion on the middle of the thigh 5-10 times.
Finally do this motion 5-10 times on the inner thigh. It’s fine for your hand to press across the receivers groin area, but only stay there as you’re moving your hand.
Repeat the process on your partners other leg.
Follow the “Goose Bump”
*** Make sure that this doesn’t tickle your partner too much.***
There’s a fine line between arousing & sensual goosebumps that tickle “just enough” and getting your partner annoyed.
Have your partner lay on their side while you gently kiss, stroke, blow on or lick different parts of their neck. Start with one part and try to notice if it causes goose bumps to form somewhere else on their body. This tends to be on the sides of the chest, rear, thighs, legs & lower back. Everyone is slightly different how they react. Once you find the goosebump area, gently stroke & almost tickle the area. Repeat kissing, etc. the area on neck, etc. and stroking.
If you don’t get a clear goose bump reaction at that spot, move a slightly to another spot. OR, if you have gotten a nice goosebump response continue there for a little while & then move to another spot on their neck, etc. & repeat the process. Keep exploring as long as you have time.
Once you’ve give lots of goosebumps on that side, do a few strokes from as far down the ankle as you can reach to the top of the ribs. The first couple should be very light and possibly cause more goose bumps.
Then do a few more strokes but more firmly this time to help sooth away the goosebumps.
Switch over and repeat “following the goose bump” on the other side while the receiver faces you.
Once you’ve explored all the areas of the neck, ears, collar bones, etc. repeat the process of first lightly stroking from as low on the legs as you can reach…
To upwards along you partners body…
To the top.
Once you’ve done a few very soft almost tickling to cause more goosebumps, make sure to go several firm strokes to relax them away.
Back rubs
Stay laying in the same position you were in with your partner facing you. Reach around with your hand and firmly press with either our pointer finger and thumb – or your pointer and index fingers – with one finger on each side of the spine.
Start at the base of the spine and firmly press on each side as you move your hand upwards all the way to the base of the skull. It’s best to be unclothed or in a shirt that allows your hand to easily move up the back of your partner who’s receiving the massage.
Repeat this for at least 32 times or 108 times if possible.
Breathing together
Have your partner who received the massage roll back over facing away from you. Get in a comfortable “spooning” position and place your hand on their belly or where ever things are comfortable for both of you.
Now have your partner who received the massage breathe deeply to their belly, hold it for a few seconds and then slowly exhale, hold for a few seconds & then repeat the breathing process. There’s not specific time frame for each part at this stage. The main goal for the partner who received the massage is to just feel the breath coming in and going out. They should also breath at a pace that is comfortable for them. Any pace is fine, just try to breathe deeply to the belly. What ever the pace, the goal is to feel good.
As your partner slowly breathes, feel their belly rise and fall and try to match your breathing with theirs. Focus just on the feelings of your breath and how it is matching your partners. You just made them feel good in a genuine act of loving affection, now savor the relaxation you likely feel as well.
For the partner who received the massage, as you focus on your breathing, also notice the feeling of your partner breathing with you. Most people find this very pleasant and almost hypnotic. Continue doing this for as long as you like.
Thoughts & Tips…
Again – don’t get overwhelmed with this list of techniques – there are just 6 parts & then the breathing:
- Hand rubs
- Ear rubs
- Collar bone rubs
- Tummy rubs
- Thigh rubs
- “Follow the Goosbumps” Game
- Couples Breathing
This web page is just a preview. The training video goes into more detail & provides a printable “check list” plus a .mp3 you can listen to during the process. This audio program also includes special “binaural beat” and “isochronal beat” pattern sounds that will relax you and your partner even more.
Also, note that while each of these techniques have been added for a specific reason, you don’t have to do all of them or do them in this order. Add any other technique you and your partner likes as well. As you do this you’ll lean new things about your partner and their body.
The reason this technique is really nice for intimacy is we live such busy lives it’s difficult to take time just to be together, touch, and feel just for the sake of experiencing it. For the person receiving the massage it is rare usually to just be able to lay there and “feel” with no obligations or pressure.
The next level begins the path of discovering techniques developed over thousands of years in China and India. But instead of shrouding it in obscure language and concepts that don’t relate to our modern lives, it’s taught using practical language and focus on feeling specific sensations, but that’s later.
